I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
