The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
