We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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