Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
