i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
