I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
