thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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