My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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