Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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