wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
