jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize