im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
