he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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