also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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