do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
