You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
