Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I didn't notice because vodka
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
