We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
