No stitches, just platelets and will power
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
