Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
