So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize