hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
