What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
