Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
