i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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