we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
