this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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