It's a beautiful day for a hangover
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
