Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
