the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
