I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
3 2 1 whiskey
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
