tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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