i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
