hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
