i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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