i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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