and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
