I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
