i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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