this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
