Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
