My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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