so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
