**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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