do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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