Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
