If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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