Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(507): View more from Minnesota

I want your puppy

(507): View more from Minnesota

I meant pussy

(612): View more from Minnesota

I would rather you take my puppy

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(917): View more from New York City

apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'

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(661): View more from California

I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.

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(516): View more from New York

yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...

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(219): View more from Indiana

Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?

(219): View more from Indiana

Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.

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(906): View more from Michigan

I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong

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(+49): View more from Germany

Why is there a condom in my ukulele?

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