So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
