Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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