my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
No I am not eating basil off your cock
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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