what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We had to coat check the pizza.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
