my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
