Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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