There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
