Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
