you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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