When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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