she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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