she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize