Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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