I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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