What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
