and she was petting her beer can
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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