I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
