Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
