just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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