I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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